I'm Thankful For

Last November my five year old daughter brought home a project that she had created in her kindergarten class, a place mat with the words, I'm thankful for…. During the holiday season this was supposed to make her reflect on how fortunate some of us are. As a proud parent I, of course, discussed with her the many things we have to be thankful for.

Several days later I was asked to evaluate a physician colleague who was recovering from a major, acute illness. Through sheer misfortune his whole life was turned upside down. While I discuss life and death issues with patients and their families on a daily basis, I had a difficult time with this patient. Throughout my discussion I had a certain sense of uneasiness. I pictured myself in his place, something I try never to do with a patient. I asked myself how this would have affected my family and career if I had been the patient. On a professional basis it forced me to reevaluate just how fortunate many of us are to be in a position to influence the lives of others on a daily basis.

We are very quick to remember the patient who annoys us, the phone calls in the middle of the night and the days where each patient is sicker than the previous. We frequently take for granted the privilege of caring for these patients, many of who inappropriately place blind faith in us. They look to us for answers, sometimes when we have none. We ask them to take medications that frequently have significant toxicities and subject them to countless and frequently uncomfortable tests and still they manage to come back to us with a "thank you".

There are very few professions where people place this trust in others. What is it that drives our need to be around patients? Is it our need to feel appreciated and wanted? Is it the intellectual stimulation of the diagnostic challenge? Regardless of the reason, there are many of us -- myself included -- who actually miss patients when we are not around them. Many of these patients go on to become lifelong friends. The wife of a patient who passed away over a year ago still comes by on a weekly basis with bags of candy and loaves of bread for me.

We live in a skeptical world where even the simple act of voting has divided people, and there will always be questions as to why many of us enter the medical profession. For those who can't see the obvious, I have a loaf of bread for them.

"Reflections" is a collection of essays by the health professionals of the Medical College of Wisconsin.