Despite Obstacles, Family Prepared for Success

My patient is a 60-year-old man who prepared for success during the direst circumstances - not financial success, but success within his family structure. He has 3 mentally-challenged adult children, aged 34 to 40, living at home. Last year, following a lengthy course of therapies, his wife died from ovarian cancer.

Many people in this situation would have been devastated. Despite his grief, and that of his children, they all sat down one day around the kitchen table, a spot where many family meetings had been held around a cup of coffee or cocoa.

Fortunately, my patient's medical problems were easily controlled and he continued to provide a paycheck. One son was assigned to shovel the snow and mow the grass; the other son was in charge of laundry duty. His daughter was in charge of meals, with the aid of all the others. On weekends, housecleaning duties were equally designated.

I asked him how it had all worked out over the past year. He replied that this division of labor was a complete success.

Excellent planning, I thought. During the months leading up to his wife's demise, he had realized the situation he was destined to confront.

How often do similar predicaments act as a lit fuse, ready to explode into family discord? The stories my patients relate to me are inspirational. With life so unpredictable, the best one can do is not to be reactive, but strategic. Preparation is the key to success.

Jack Kaufman, MD
Medical College of Wisconsin Professor of Medicine
The Eye Institute of the Medical College of Wisconsin and Froedtert Hospital

"Reflections" is a collection of essays by the health professionals of the Medical College of Wisconsin.