My son is getting ready to go to college this fall. He’s the first of our children to go off to college. What are some of the things we ought to consider before we drop him off at school?
A: This is can be a very stressful and exciting time for parents and the soon-to-be college student. There are clear medical issues that need to be addressed as well as others that pertain to independence and responsibility that, if dealt with now, can make the both the transition to college and the first few months a rewarding experience.
One very basic issue is making sure that all immunizations are up to date. This includes a serious look at whether or not you want your young adult vaccinated against meningococcal meningitis. It seems as though every year, a small number of college students – who usually live in close quarters – contract this type of meningitis, leading to an occasional fatality. The vaccine provides reasonable protection against the most common strains of this potentially serious illness, with a low risk of vaccination side effects. I would recommend obtaining it.
Tetanus vaccinations need updating every ten years and if that period of time has elapsed, a booster would be indicated. Make sure that you have proof of measles/mumps/rubella (MMR) vaccination as the college may require that as a condition for admission.
Confirm that your insurance provides coverage for your college student and if so, arrange for some form of portable documentation that could be presented in the event of an emergency. If your son or daughter has a chronic medical illness such as diabetes or asthma and they will be far away from home, make contact with an appropriate physician in the vicinity of the college or with the student health service, providing it has the capacity to meet the needs of those with medical problems. If you have a child with an eating disorder, be especially concerned that some kind of anticipatory management plan is in place.
Now is also a great time to eliminate home curfews and most restrictions. You have the chance to give young adults some practice on managing their time without as much supervision. Instead of specifics, tell them that they simply need to let you know where they are and an approximate time for their return. If plans change midstream, then a call home with the revised schedule is all that is necessary.
The same applies to money management. If they haven’t done so to date, open a checking account near their college before school starts and teach them the basics. Have a brief discussion about what would constitute a reasonable budget and how to manage one. Be especially cautious about credit cards and their use. Now can be a good time to establish a credit rating and a track record of wise financial decision-making.
You need to have some very specific discussions about alcohol, drugs and sex. Stay away from the inclination to lecture your son or daughter on what they should or should not do. By now, they’ve heard it all. Instead, spend some time with them making contingency plans. For example, what are you going to do the first time that you find yourself at a party where someone offers you alcohol or some kind of recreational drug? Do they know how to say no and do so in a way that does not lead to embarrassment? Are they aware of the decline in judgment and the ability to think clearly and to make reasonable choices when intoxicated? Are they aware that these are the conditions that can lead to potentially unhealthy sexual encounters? Are your sons aware that in the light of day that they could be accused of date rape? These are all very real situations that will most likely occur at some time in college – if they have not already experienced them as high school students.
As the date for departure approaches, significant strain can develop between parents and the college-bound student. If as a family you have not been expressively affectionate with your children, consider the value of an intimate night out. Tell your son or daughter that you are proud of them and look forward to what their future will bring. Tell them to dream large and to use this time in their lives to begin planning to make those dreams come true. Encourage them to work hard toward that end. And last, but most important, tell them that you unequivocally love them and that if they find themselves in a serious jam, no matter what it is, they can call you and you will come to help in whatever way you can.
