Our family has spent the last nine months in a routine dictated by the schedule of activities associated with the school year. Although we look forward to the summer and the special things we do, there is always more friction and conflict than we expect. Are there any recommendations to make this season more enjoyable?
A: Some degree of predictability in any situation creates a sense of comfort and security that within limits allows us to perform well and to do so with minimal anxiety and distraction. This is as true for adults as it is for children. The challenge for the summer months is to set up a new set of expectations and to create an environment that makes it beneficial for all to play by the summer rules.
There are a variety of ways to go about this process. Although a certain amount of parental authority is needed to make any effort successful, I strongly advise against a “my way or the highway” approach. This is a time for the adults in the household to set the parameters for behaviors while at the same time allowing some choices within those parameters.
For example, a list of weekly household chores can be assembled either as a group effort or by a parent. In a brief family meeting, make it known that non-participation is not an option and proceed to collectively and equitably distribute the tasks at hand. The challenge to mom and or dad is to enforce the behaviors either through positive reinforcement (encouragement and praise) or negative (no allowance or an allowance that is pro-rated based on the tasks accomplished).
The same has to do with daily schedules. Discuss in advance what seems reasonable with regard to meals, bedtimes and curfews. Be reasonable as a parent and make sure that there are consequences for compliance as well as non-compliance that are fair, enforceable (for example, permission to use the car), and discussed in advance.
There may be some initial resistance, but in the long run the hum of a reasonable routine will make the summer that much more fun and productive.
