Unnecessary Suffering

For most physicians there is a basic motivation for entering the field of medicine: that through the practice of medicine, lives will be saved, pain will be eased and unnecessary suffering avoided. I still have vivid memories from my residency of nighttime journeys through the darkened halls of the hospital, called to attend to a patient in distress, wondering whether the whole scenario might have been prevented through a few good health-related decisions.

Despite all the talk of tolerance and compassion that seems to permeate every aspect of life in America, society at large is a harsh and unfriendly place to many. Unplanned pregnancies, eating disorders, depression and suicidal thoughts are not the stuff of everyday conversation. That these problems primarily afflict young women is no coincidence either. The pressures – to look good, to look sexy, to be good – are intense and leave many in a silent vacuum, insulated from even their closest friends and family when facing a difficult situation. How will your mother, father, best friend react if you tell them what’s really on your mind? By what rules are they bound to keep your confidence? What will those around you think when they learn that you’ve done something “wrong”?

I’m convinced that there is at least one place you can go to unburden yourself and get the help that you need. Call your family doctor or ask your mom or dad to do so for you. You need not be specific about the reason for the appointment. If you’re feeling depressed and entertaining thoughts of suicide, tell the staff you want to be seen because you have a headache. Are you pregnant? Tell the receptionist that your periods are irregular. If you are under 18, you will need a note from a parent indicating that the doctor may see you. Often, your mom or dad will want to accompany you. In that situation, many physicians will ask the parent to leave the room for a few moments and conduct a more detailed and personal interview, the essentials of which remain confidential, to be shared only with your permission.

No matter how desperate the condition you find yourself in, the act of talking to a trusted professional can help put things in perspective and lead to the construction of a plan. Implementation may involve consultation with other professionals and more intimate contact with a parent as well. Your doctor can often act as an ambassador for you by being the one to tell your parents the details of your situation and at the same time helping to map out a plan. If you feel that parents would be unsupportive and not able to be trusted, we can often identify a surrogate support system. The key is to not only get you through a difficult time in your life, but to lay the foundation for a better life altogether.

There is not a human being on the face of this earth who has not encountered difficulty or embarrassment. There will always be those who will seize upon your misfortune as an opportunity for ridicule. The process of getting through these problems is what develops character and compassion for others. The true meaning of love for one another is often a wonderful discovery when those to whom you are dear have an opportunity to get through the shock of learning about a problem you have been sequestering and begin to embrace not only you, but the dilemma you face.

"Reflections" is a collection of essays by the health professionals of the Medical College of Wisconsin.